


your inner light (lights up your outer world)

by loveless_klark



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29144445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveless_klark/pseuds/loveless_klark
Summary: She found him in one of the lavish rooms of Polis, curled tightly in the bed, oblivious to the world.Murphy had been here for too long to remember, tucked into himself, completely enveloped in his own thoughts. They tore at him, ripping at his insides, leaving an ache in his chest that made him want to scream and scream until the pain spilt out of him. But he couldn’t. All he could do was wait for it to pass. There was nothing else to do. Nothing else he could do.He didn’t expect anyone to find him in the chaos that had followed ALIE.But she did.~or where Murphy deals with the aftermath of Ontari's abuse and Clarke helps him through it
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/John Murphy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	your inner light (lights up your outer world)

**Author's Note:**

> written for the birthday of my amazing friend [@johnmurphyisqueer](http://johnmurphyisqueer.tumblr.com), who requested much soft and I have delivered- kind of. its probably more hurt than it is comfort. whoops. i still think its alright tho
> 
> anyway!!! hope you enjoy me making murphy have an emotional breakdown because thats exactly what i did

She found him in one of the lavish rooms of Polis, curled tightly in the bed, oblivious to the world.

Murphy had been here for too long to remember, tucked into himself, completely enveloped in his own thoughts. They tore at him, ripping at his insides, leaving an ache in his chest that made him want to scream and scream until the pain spilt out of him. But he couldn’t. All he could do was wait for it to pass. There was nothing else to do. Nothing else he could do.

He didn’t expect anyone to find him in the chaos that had followed ALIE.

But she did.

Murphy didn’t even hear the door open, nor hear her footsteps padding toward him. But as she eased her weight down onto the mattress, the stillness broke, and Murphy jolted up, scrambling away from the bed.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s just me.” It took a second for the words to reach his brain, but when they did, he felt himself relax, just a bit. His vision was blurry, but it was impossible to mistake her sun-bright hair for anyone else, and her voice, a voice that could command armies, was far too familiar to him. 

“Clarke?” His voice was hoarse and cracked, and he cringed as he heard it come out. He sounded so pitiful. So weak. God, he hated it. Hated feeling like this. Especially in front of people. Especially in front of  _ her _ .

But he knew she wouldn’t shame him for showing weakness.

Not her.

Not ever.

“Yeah, hey.” Her voice was soft, so soft, a welcome relief from the harsh stinging pain that surrounded his every being. “I was looking for you. I haven’t seen you since yesterday.”

He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks at that, and fought to keep it down. “You- you were looking for me?”

“Yeah. I was worried.” Her face was pinched with concern as she slid to the other side of the bed, offering a hand to him. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

And  _ fuck _ , that made him remember. She’d made him forget for a blissful second, but it wouldn’t be left behind. The shame he felt. How  _ dirty  _ he felt. He could recall every little thing that occurred, every touch, every word, it burned into him until he was shaking under its pressure.

Next thing he knew, he was on the floor, being held up by a warm body, arms cradling him close. He allowed her to press his head into her chest, let her hold his body on her lap. Not that he could move even if he wanted to. He was shivering enough that he could barely breathe.

His ears were ringing, and for just a moment he heard a flicker of  _ her _ voice, commanding him, spitting filthy insults that made him feel like nothing more than an object of  _ her  _ pleasure. A cry got strangled in his throat and he turned to bury his nose into Clarke’s warm skin.

The flurry of emotions messed with his mind, and he couldn’t tell how long it was before he stopped trembling and lay limply in Clarke’s hold. She rocked him back and worth, muttering softly, words he couldn’t understand but somehow still made him feel safer. 

God, how did she do this to him?

“Yes,” he finally said, breaking the silence between them. “Something did happen. It was- it was a while ago, when you were still gone. But it didn’t- it didn’t-”

Clarke shushed him, combing her fingers through his hair. “Take your time. Tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

Murphy took a deep breath, trying to steel himself. “It was Ontari,” he whispered, clearing his throat. “It was Ontari. Before she took the chip. After Titus killed himself, she was going to kill me, but I convinced her to keep me alive because she needed a new flamekeeper.” He sniffled, likely making Clarke’s skin a sticky mess, but she didn’t seem to care. “God, the things she made me do- she made me- I didn’t want to-”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Clarke hushed while Murphy tried to reign in his gasps. “You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“She raped me.” He said it so quietly, so softly, he was almost afraid Clarke didn’t hear it, but if the way she stiffened underneath him was any tell, she heard. “I- I didn’t-”

“I know, I know.” Clarke gathered herself quickly, arms tightening around him a fist gripping his jacket while the other rested on the back of his neck. “Murphy, I- That shouldn’t have happened to you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

“I haven’t told anyone,” he mumbled. “I was- I  _ am _ \- afraid they’d think less of me. Think I’m weak.”

“Oh, Murphy, no.” Clarke clutched onto him so tightly it hurt, but he revelled in the closeness, the warmth of her surrounding him. “You’re not weak. You are so far from weak. God, Murphy, the things you’ve been through, you’re so strong, so, so strong. You’ve never been weak. Never.”

Murphy was almost stunned. “You really think that?”

“Of course.” Clarke pulled him up so his head was on her shoulder and turned to press her lips to his forehead. “You’re incredible. I hope you believe me when I say that.”

He couldn’t say he did. But with the way she was clinging onto him like a lifeline, the way her lips still rested on the skin of his hairline, maybe he could. Eventually.

Curled tightly on the wooden floor hundreds of feet above the ground, both thoroughly soaked with each other's tears, two lonely souls began the slow, rocky process of putting themselves back together. 

It would take time, that was for sure. 

It would take more blood, sweat, and tears than either wanted to give.

But they would help each other through it.

They’d get there.

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me at [lovelessdyke](http://lovelessdyke.tumblr.com)!!!! prompts are always welcome <<3


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